yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
