did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
