I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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