he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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