Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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