I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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