a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
