you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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