I wish I could punch you in the face.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
