her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think people are normalizing furries
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
