and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just cropdusted the office
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
