wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
