Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
