I want to walk on stilts...naked
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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