Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
