She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
