I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
