Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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