The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
