New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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