I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
