so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
