Just cropdusted the office
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
