i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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