i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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