he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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