Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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