I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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