its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
