Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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