They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
