Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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