WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
