There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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