i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can you bring me the toilet please
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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