Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
