His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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