And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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