Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
