ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
