My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
