So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
