Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
