May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This is the high leading the old right now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You left your phone here
Wait...
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