Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she looked like the before picture.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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