So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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