next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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