my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
