either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
its not stalking. its research.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Randomize
