I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
