Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
